Sigh… the things my home state does sometimes. So, according to a Gawker article and reinforced by the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis is a hotbed of racial tension and stupidity. Morons are one thing - they’re fine, as we exist primarily to make all of the rest of you feel better, mostly because you’re not us. Racist morons, however… they start to get scary and dangerous.
Here’s the picture that started the whole brouhaha:
Did Magnificent Morons make a MOVIE?!? Well, sort of… we’re kind of known as being a proponent of Mimobot and their funky flash drives. So, we did the artistic-type thing and taped one to a pencil, then had it argue with a regular flash drive taped to another pencil (we couldn’t tape them to the same pencil, that would be stupid). Enjoy.
If you’ve never watched Jim Cramer, then prepare yourself: there’s a guy out there who yells and screams at you and uses sound effects the most tired of morning drive-time “DJs” would roll their eyes in disgust at, all the while trying to get you to take his stock advice seriously. I suppose he does it to be different, and to try and make the stock market fun… but really, if you’ve got to be convinced the stock market is “fun”, you don’t need to be trading stocks. You need to be trading Pokemon cards.
Get more mock drafts from people who are a LOT better at this than me (and a lot more serious about it) at HailRedskins.com’s mock database.
OK, as said before, I’m a geek, and a moron, so I just have this inherent… need… to throw my own mock draft into the ring. Keep in mind I’m a Rams fan (yes I feel your pity, no I don’t want it). Here goes:
…and now is an older, stupid, magnificent moron. Seriously, did you guys listen to this snake-oil salesman’s hooey at his press conference yesterday? “I was young and stupid,” “it was all my cousin,” and privately to himself, “the world of baseball fandom is really f***ing stupid and naive, so I’m gonna get away with shoveling all this bull-number-two down their throats.”
Holy finger-licking Blue Screens of Death, fatman! It’s the battle of the titans - kings of non-chicken chicken, KFC, have unwittingly brought Windows disaster upon themselves by letting Microsoft’s core competency run their ginormous NEC LCD advertising board (why KFC needs a 50-something inch TV next to their registers in the first place is beyond me, but whatever).
Sports fans, rejoice… Jay McGwire is about to make your world a lot more interesting!
“But,” you may be asking yourself, “who the hell is Jay McGwire?”
Jay McGwire is the brother of former Oakland and St. Louis slugger and current baseball hermit/pariah Mark McGwire, and he’s trying to publish a book. The book, in case you hadn’t heard or couldn’t guess, is about Mark, since, quite frankly, nobody gives two flying poopies about Jay (or bodybuilders in general). He’s making claims that, despite what Jose Canseco claimed in his book, Canceco couldn’t possibly have introduced Big Mac to steroids… because (c’mon little brother, come to big bro’s defense) Jay was the one who introduced him to it (Ooooh, not the best defense, little bro. You’re gonna catch hell at Thanksgiving).
I’d like to point out a very, very disturbing trend in America today - the trend of believing that “Change”, in and of itself, is a cure-all. Now, I’m a St. Louis Rams fan… and a Democrat (at least until someone who is actually fiscally conservative emerges from the woodworks, but that’s another post for another time), so I happen to belong to two groups that BLATANTLY flaunt this inherently flawed idea.
Oh… my… God. Sure, we all know that professional athletes aren’t supposed to be brain sisters, per se. But it seems that every time one turns around in the pro sports world, one sees someone who’s paid millions of dollars a year to play a game doing something so stupid, so magnificent, that one thinks “Huh, I’d take millions of dollars to play games and be a f***ing moron”.
Take, for example, Plaxico Burress.
So yesterday, I made a hideous mistake… I went shopping on Black Friday. I’ve come to an important conclusion - if you take enough Americans and say “BUY BUY BUY!!!”, they cease to be human, and become ravenous beasts of consumption, the strong cutting down the weak with sharpened credit cards, the elderly falling beneath the feet of the stampeding masses.
